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How I got My Life Back

 

I can tell you how SOS is working in my life. After a very close brush with death from my 20+ year alcohol addiction, I knew that I had to do stop drinking or die, and AA wasn't something that I really wanted to consider -- mostly because of the "powerlessness" issue. I have a stubborn streak, I've survived a great deal, and the notion of being "powerless" in any way, shape or form wasn't acceptable to me.

I knew about SOS, because my s.o. of 17 years worked with Jim Christopher when he lived here in Buffalo, and ran SOS out of the Center for Inquiry headquarters here. I had met Jim several times, read some of his writings -- all of this while I was still actively (very actively) drinking.

When I was faced with the fact that I could no longer drink -- ever again --I knew that SOS was, more than likely, my option for self-help and support. I researched local AA meetings as well, trying to keep an open mind. I made phone calls to the local AA office, and got little to no response. I got a list of meetings from the social worker at the hospital upon my discharge, but I
couldn't bring myself to go to one. So, I got online with the SOS email list (this was in 1998) and that's how I spent my first 18 months of sobriety. During that time, there was a split in the organization (which I'd rather not talk about here), and I wound up back in this forum after using the other one for awhile. After my first 18 months of sobriety, I recognized the need for more SOS face to face groups -- there were absolutely none in my area, which was ironic, since Jim C. lived here and worked here, so I took it upon myself to start one. And it worked. Since 2000, when I started the first group in Western New York, there have been a dozen more started. Part of my continuing sobriety, through SOS, has been in spreading the word that AA isn't the only game in town, and that if one wants an alternative to 12-steps, there is one available, and that even if it's online, it works for a huge number of people.

When doing my master's thesis, (topic of which was the reason that people in alternative groups chose them over 12-step groups and why other desire alternatives) my extensive research included interviewing people about their experiences in 12-step addiction support groups, I continually had the same sort of response from people who had gone looking for alternatives -- which validated my conclusions. But, I'm straying off the mark here.

SOS works for me because I get support from like-minded people. Many of those like-minded people that come to the face to face groups I facilitate (along with others, I certainly don't do that all by myself!) also go to AA and NA. They have been able to "wear both hats" as it were (a phrase I'm borrowing from someone else here), but while in SOS meetings, they're very respectful of the needs of those who have been severely damaged by AA speak or groups, and, frankly, most of the members who do both are pretty thick-skinned people who let all of the negativity that they may encounter at AA and NA by not being believers or not buying into everything that the group espouses roll off their backs. This isn't possible for everyone, however.

During my research, I heard many, many horror stories from people who had been from group to group to group, being told that they were doomed to failure and if they didn't hand their lives over to a higher power, they may as well go right back out and start drinking and using again. Some of them did, some of them watched other people do so, and watched those other people die.

SOS works for me, because I found not only an alternative to powerlessness, but a way to feel self-empowered enough in my recovery to go out and do things I never thought I was capable of. I owe my life to SOS, because had I tried to go the way of 12-steps, I don't think I could have handled the negativity that I've heard so much about. And, I think that many people here react negatively to anything AA because they've had such a bad time there. Not everyone can let what they hear bounce off of them and take what they need. Many, many take it to heart and it causes a great deal of damage. SOS works for me, because I've seen people heal from very bad experiences and go on to lead, as the group leader's manual states: "sober and rewarding lives."

I have found, in this place and SOS in general, a safe place to share my thoughts and feelings about my recovery, without having to feel as though I was a completely flawed person who couldn't control my own destiny.